Crazyness
by watchitstark
Summary: Me and two of my friends went nuts and wrote this. 'M' rated for grossness and disturbingness and swearing. HG/NM, RL/SB HP/DM


I wrote this with my friends Laura and Jade, while we were bored in Science, Citizenship and PSHE. My writing's in normal font, **Laura's is in bold**, and _Jade's is in Italic._

_**A/N: Laura gave me a challenge to write a story with all these things; Remus/Sirius, in Grimmuald Place, Fed and George, McGonagall can't be in all of it, Hermione can't be in it (Although she relents later on and lets me put her in), Hagrid throws a rock cake at Ron, Nargles have to be brang up at least once, someone has to call Harry a twat and the Black sisters have to be in it.**_

**The Most Disturbing Thing that I have ever written**

Hagrid threw a rock cake at Ron. Then pandemonium started. They were supposed to be planning against Voldemort, but after Ron's 50th stupid and utterly rubbish plan Hagrid had just got too fed up by his stupidity.

"Shouldn't we be planning against Vol-" Harry started but was cut off when he got slapped by Snape.

"Don't slap my twat of a Godson! Only I can do that!" Sirius shouted at Snivellius and threw some shampoo in his direction.

"Hey!" The twat protested.

"Shut up Harry!" Gred and Forge shouted in unison and sandwiched his head with a cream pie each.

"It was probably the Nargles." Luna murmured distractedly.

"**Where's Hermione?" The twat asked.**

"**Oh, she's a Death Eater now." Ginny said, "'Cos my twat of a brother pushed her off a cliff and she got all pissed off."**

"Hey, why do you always blame me?" Ron moaned.

"Because you smell." Narcissa shrugged. "That's what Hermione said. She's staying at the Manor. With me." She threw a Cauldron Cake and ducked a Pumpkin Pasty, **at the same time a glass of Firewhiskey was poured over a sleeping Remus, and a plate of cake was smashed in Fred's face by George.**

"What's going-" Minerva came through the door but was straight away stopped by **a flying plate of mouldy sock soup that Sirius had so kindly made…. Silence.**

"**What the hell?"**

"Erm… Food fight?" Fred tried. There was a mad cackle from a pile of dirty blankets in the corner and Bellatrix appeared, holding a spud gun.

"**Bella!" Narcissa exclaimed, confused. Sirius looked annoyed.**

"**How the hell did you get in here?"**

"**Harry let me in!"**

"**Twat."** He huffed and threw a cupcake at Bella, then grabbed Remus and they hid behind the sofa. **Heart.** Andromeda as running around dodging cake and trying to get squirty cream on the cat McGonagall while Harry and Ron were knocked out in a pile **of Kreacher's dirty blankets**, they had been on the firing end of Bellatrix's spud gun.Tonks was drooling over Lupin, even though he was snogging Sirius behind the sofa. _Suddenly, an amazing idea came to Tonks;_

"_THREESOME!" She screamed and dived on Lupin and Sirius. The two guys stopped swapping saliva and rejected Tonks. Therefore Tonks went to try it on with the unconscious Ron and Harry._** Suddenly, in the middle of mad cake throwing and slapping the door jumped open and there stood Dumbledore, riding on Rumbleroar's back.**

"Tonks, stop trying to rape Harry." She was attempting to take his shirt off. **Tonks started to cry, so she got bitch slapped** by Lupin then Dumbledore smiled and gave her a hug. "You can sleep with me." He added cheerfully.

"Yay! And older man!" She exclaimed and snogged him. They left the room and shut the door behind them. **Meanwhile, Ron and Harry were now both flirting crudely about being nude with Molly and Ginny.**

"**Do you realise how wrong that is?" Screamed Sirius.**

"No… I'm a twat remember." Harry smiled scarily and skipped away.** Sigh. Remus and Sirius continued snogging behind the sofa. Suddenly, Dumbles ran through the room. Naked.** With an equally naked Tonks following him. McGonagall had ended up curled up on the sofa, scratching anyone that came close, apart from Andromeda, whom had been knocked unconscious by the spud-gun toting Bellatrix. **Ron started to scream, and Ginny hung him upside down from the top floor. Harry recorded it**, laughing manically. Narcissa was still throwing pie, meaning that Bellatrix was going at her with the spud gun, but Narcissa was too quick and hadn't been knocked out yet, although Bellatrix was covered with all sorts of pie. Ginny and Molly were puking from the earlier episode with Harry and Ron, **while a secret camera recorded them all… Where Voldemort was watching, terrified, yet deeply amused**, and slightly shocked that Bella was there and not killing people, **yet was more shocked about Remus and Sirius… also, Ron was scaring him. Twitch twitch, **

"**Gingers are taking over the world!" Voldie screamed and fell to the floor in tears,** still twitching**. "It's so orange…!" **Back to the terror in Grimmuald Place. Hermione had just Apparated into the square and was startled by a naked Dumbledore being chased by a naked Tonks up the road. She was a bit mentally scarred as well to be honest. **But she was more scared when Ron attacked her with a dirty blanket and pushed her behind the sofa…** But she stunned him and back **up only to be hit by the spud gun and bam, she's out cold under the table… Elsewhere Harry and Ron are prank calling Draco… **Who came to the house and woke Hermione with a slap and then tried to take her jacket off… She stood up and sighed.

"Why does everyone always try to rape me?" Harry comes over and slaps her, "Because you're so boring!"

"**I just want to be loved!" She screams, and Remus gets up and slaps her with a fish.**

"**Good hit." Sirius commented as she passes out.**

"**Let's draw on her!" Draco screams… Five minutes later she's covered in HP scars, glasses, spots and facial piercings.**

"Well… That was fun while it lasted… Harry I love you!" Draco shouted and threw himself at the still naked Harry. Ginny and Molly threw Ron out the window, **because he kept on trying to join in. Meanwhile Fred and George were putting cake down Sirius's trousers**, who was screaming because it was cold and squelchy. Narcissa came into the room and saw Hermione knocked out so she attacked Bellatrix and they then got into a bitch fight which Narcissa won because she loves Hermione. **But then Ron jumped on Narcissa and she hit her head. Remus thought that it would be funny to tie Hermione and Narcissa together and lock them in Kreacher's cupboard. **Everyone was wondering how Ron had got back in, **then it turned out that there was a giant trampoline outside the window full of Sirius's underwear, **and of course Ron was very gay so he was quite happy to hang around in a load of men's underwear. Sirius was smoking something and the smoke was making everyone _high….Because everyone was high they stopped raping, attacking and snogging each other and did a 'pile on' in the middle of the floor. Ginny (being the rebel she is) dived from the top floor screaming and landed on top of the 'pile on'. McGonagall, in cat form decided to snuggle down and claw Ginny's bum. The giggles awoke Kreacher who ran downstairs covered in mysterious brown stuff and dived into his cupboard. He then found Hermione and Narcissa doing 'things' too appalling to be written down, and screamed, running into the main room and becoming instantly high _**on the smoke. He saw everyone doing 'things' and fainted.** McGonagall suddenly transformed back into her human form and found her face on Ginny's bum so she quickly rolled off the 'pile'. **She watched in amazement as Hagrid jumped onto the top of the them all**, successfully killing Ron, thank God. **Meanwhile, Voldie was watching these bad, bad 'things' and **was half dying from laughter and disgust. Draco suddenly popped out the pile with Harry and they found a cupboard to go hide in, unfortunately Draco fainted with shock when they opened the cupboard that had Hermione and Narcissa doing 'things' in. **Meanwhile, Snape was crying, while Remus and Sirius clapped, as whilst Snape was out cold they had washed his hair. The horror. **

"**Your hair's blonde!" McGonagall cried **and nearly died laughing. **There was a moments silence as Kreacher farted…**

"Oh my God! THE SMELL!" Hermione screamed from inside her and Narcissa's cupboard.

"**I might die!" Hagrid cried, "It's worse than Hippogriff poop!"**

"I like hippogriff poop." Ron murmured from outside. "It's good for skin."** Remus got up from the pile, pulling Sirius with him and declared;**

"**Chocolate is awesome!"Before jumping in the fridge with a girlish scream.** Ron was carted off by a passing Policeman for indecent exposure, **and eating Sirius's underwear.** Suddenly, the Giant Squid consumed Britain, **and Grimmauld Place was relocated to mars, Pigfarts where they all stayed in that closet high, on whatever the hell Sirius was smoking, forever.**

_**A/N: I know this makes no sense but we were hyper in lessons that almost count as free periods. Hope you weren't too grossed out.**_


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